She's Gone
by Willowph
Summary: continuation of 'One Big Boat' after Mattie leaves. HM
1. Default Chapter

Title: She's Gone

Rating: PG to be safe

Summary: A continuation of 'One Big Boat'

Spoilers: everything up to and including 'One Big Boat'

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't you think Harm and Mac would be together by now if I did own them?

Feedback: appreciated but neither expected nor required.

Author: Chris

Mac walked into her apartment at the end of the day. She hung up her coat and dropped her briefcase by the desk before noticing that the message light on her answering machine was blinking. She pressed the play button before wandering into her bedroom to get out of her uniform.

"_Mac, it's me" _said Harm's voice, _"I just got back. Um, I didn't get a chance to tell you before I left but I signed some papers and Mattie is going back to live with her Dad. I, uh, ran into her on my way in. She was moving her stuff out. The place is really quiet without her. So I guess, uh, I guess I was wondering if you were up for pizza and a movie. I'll even let you pick the movie. I just, I just don't... I could use my best friend. Give me a call if you're going to come over. Bye."_

By the time Harm's message was over Mac had changed into jeans and a tight red T-shirt. She grabbed the phone and dialed Harm's number.

"Rabb," Harm answered.

"Hey Butch," Mac said.

"Hey," Harm replied.

"I got your message," Mac said, "I'm on my way over, should be there about the same time as the pizza."

"Half veggie, half meat lovers?" Harm asked.

"Of course," Mac said, "we carnivores have to have our meat."

"I'll call the pizza place,' Harm said, "you going the pick up the movie?"

"Ya," Mac replied, "and I promise not to make it to sappy."

"Ok I'll see you in 30," Harm said, "and Mac?"

"Ya?" Mac answered.

"Thanks," Harm said and she could tell her really meant it.

"You're welcome Harm," Mac said, "I'll see you in a bit. Bye."

"Bye Mac," Harm said and hung up the phone.

Mac arrived at Harm's apartment 42 minutes later. She raised her hand and knocked on the door.

"Hey," Harm said opening the door, "thanks for coming. Pizza just got here."

"There's no need to thank me," Mac said, "being here when you need me is part of the job description."

Mac reached up and hugged her best friend.

"What was that for?" Harm asked.

"You looked like you needed a hug," Mac shrugged.

"Thanks," Harm said, "we'd better eat before the pizza gets cold."

They grabbed plates for the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"Mattie came to see me you know?" Mac said.

"She did?" Harm asked surprised.

"She was worried," Mac said, "that you signed the papers so quickly. And that you didn't show any emotion when you did."

"Oh God, I didn't think," Harm said putting down his slice and looking at his lap.

Mac got out of her chair and kneeled in front of him she took his hand, "it's ok, I straightened her out."

"But you shouldn't have had to," Harm said, "I should have said something that night. I should have explained. I'm just not good at saying what I feel. It never comes out right, you of all people should know that."

"I know," Mac said, "but it's not like you're never going to see her again. You'll have plenty of chances to tell her that you love her. You know she was afraid that you wouldn't miss her?"

"I miss her," Harm said, "right now I miss her so god damn much. I keep expecting her to come barging through that door ranting about her English teacher."

"I know you do," Mac said placing a hand on Harm's cheek, "and she'll miss you. But you know what you signing those papers showed me?"

"That I'm as closed up as I ever was and let my little girl believe I didn't want her?" Harm said turning his head away from Mac. Mac reached up and turned his head back to look into her eyes.

"No it showed me how much she's done for you," Mac said, "you may not realize it but knowing her changed you. You finally figured out that you don't have to own somebody to love them."

"You're right I do know that now," Harm said, "but I still wish she were still across the hall with Jen. Or sitting here at this table with me trying to explain her algebra homework or even running up the phone bill talking to her boyfriend." By the end of the sentence Harm was blinking back tears.

"I know Harm, I know," Mac said pulling out of his chair and into a long hug. She led him over to the couch and just let him cry in her arms.

"I should have told her this afternoon," Harm said softly, "instead I just gave her that damn card. I didn't even let her open it then. I told her to open it later."

"What card Harm?" Mac asked, "what did it say?"

"Mattie, fair winds and following seas, love always Harm," Harm said, "and I attached a pair of my wings. I should have told her but I didn't trust myself for the words to come out right."

"She knows how you feel Harm," Mac said, "she knows how much those wings mean to you."

"She hopes to have a pair like them some day you know?" Harm said, "she said she wanted to follow in my foot steps. For a while I actually thought about her as the 4th generation of Rabb naval aviators."

"If she makes it," Mac said, "even if her name is Grace or Johnson she will always have a little bit of Rabb in her. But who knows there might be a 4th generation of Rabb naval aviators yet."

"I don't think so Mac," Harm said, "who would want an old washed up naval pilot turned lawyer like me?"

"Me for one," Mac said. She knew it was an odd time to admit it but her conversation with Mattie had made her realize a few things.

"Mac..." Harm started.

"Don't," Mac said place two fingers to his lips, "now is not the time to talk about this. Just know that talking to Mattie made me realize a few things."

Harm nodded. She was right now wasn't the time to get into that particular conversation. Not when he was so emotional about Mattie. He didn't know if he could have a rational conversation about him and Mac at the moment.

"Thanks Mac," Harm said in a low voice.

"For what?" Mac asked.

"For coming tonight, for straightening Mattie out, for understanding, for always being there."

"You're welcome," Mac said.

"That really wore me out," Harm said, "do you mind if I just go to bed?"

"Not at all," Mac said, "I'll clean up the kitchen then head home. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks Mac," Harm said. He got up and headed for his bedroom. Mac put the pizza in fridge and quickly did the dishes.

When she was ready to go she went to the door to the bedroom to say goodnight to Harm. She found him already asleep. She stealthily approached the bed.

"Good night Flyboy," Mac said leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. She quietly slipped out of the apartment locking the door on her way out.

Chapter 2

When Mac got back to her apartment she decided to check her email. After all it was only 2046. She opened her laptop and signed into her hotmail account. There were a few new emails, One from Chloe, one from her uncle Matt and a notice that there was a sale that week at her favourite shoe store. She smiled when she thought of what she had once told Harm every woman wanted. 'a good career and great man and comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them.' She was in the middle of reading Chloe's latest rave about her boyfriend when a message popped up on the screen. The message prompted her to accept ' as a MSN messenger contact. She recognized Mattie's email address and hit OK.

Flyboysgirl: Hi Mac.

Ninjagurl: Mattie, Hi. You getting settled in?

Flyboysgirl: Ya. But I miss the apartment.

Ninjagurl: not a lot of privacy huh?

Flyboysgirl: I guess but that's not why I miss it. I miss Harm. I miss him coming in to make sure I go to bed on time. I miss his intrusive questions about my life and David. I miss his helping me with my algebra while telling me why I'll need it in real life.

Ninjagurl: It's going to take a while to adjust but you will.

Flyboysgirl: Does that mean I'll stop missing him?

Ninjagurl: no, you'll always miss him, just like he'll always miss you. But you'll learn to be happy with the times you do get to see him.

Flyboysgirl: How do you know him so well?

Ninjagurl: I've known him for 9 years and been his best friend for nearly that long.

Ninjagurl: He called me tonight you know? He was missing you so much that he couldn't be alone.

Flyboysgirl: Really? He didn't act like it when I saw him or when he signed those papers.

Ninjagurl: You know why he does that?

Flyboysgirl: No. Why?

Ninjagurl: because he doesn't trust himself to say the right thing. When ever he tries to express his emotions it usually doesn't come out right and he gets misunderstood. I don't know how many times he's done that with me. He would just rather put up a strong front that risk saying something you might misinterpret.

Flyboysgirl: Is that why you guys aren't together? Because you misunderstood him?

Ninjagurl: partly I guess. But another reason is he cares so much for me he respects my choices. So when I said yes to Mic's proposal he didn't fight for me, or when I went out with Clay, or when I said never in Paraguay.

Flyboysgirl: He loves you, you know that right?

Ninjagurl: sometimes I think he does but other times he just says and does this inane stuff and I'm not so sure anymore.

Flyboysgirl: What did you just tell me like 2 minutes ago about Harm and expressing his emotions?

Ninjagurl: You're right. How'd you get to be so smart?

Flyboysgirl: truth is I dragged a confession out of him last spring. That's how I can say for a fact that he loves you.

Ninjagurl: and I love him but it's not that simple, not anymore.

Flyboysgirl: someone once told me that love is the simplest thing there is. No matter the circumstances. I know there's a history and that whole think with work. But one of you can definitely find another job in DC.

Ninjagurl: your probably right Mattie. But the truth is I'm scared.

Flyboysgirl: He's not going to reject you Mac.

Ninjagurl: That's not what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid we're going to try this and then it doesn't work out and I'll have lost my best friend.

Flyboysgirl: You're worried about losing him completely? I get that. But you have to believe that it will work. You two were so made for each other. Now you've both told me that you love each other. Now you just have to tell each other.

Ninjagurl: you know he loves you too right? He loves you so much. He was crying tonight because he thinks he screwed thing up with you.

Flyboysgirl: I know he loves me. And I'll tell him that when I see him on Saturday.

Ninjagurl: good, I think he really needs to hear that. It's one thing for me to tell him, another for him to actually hear you say it.

Flyboysgirl: I will. Now will you promise me something?

Ninjagurl: depends on what it is.

Flyboysgirl: You have to tell Harm how you feel about him.

Ninjagurl: I almost did tonight but he was in no condition to rationally have that conversation.

Flyboysgirl: But you will soon right?

Ninjagurl: Yes. Shouldn't you be doing homework?

Flyboysgirl: Ya.

Ninjagurl: You should get back at it. You're not going to get into Annapolis if you don't do you school work.

Flyboysgirl: Ok do you and Harm have the same brain because that's what he always says.

Ninjagurl: No but I know him well enough. So get to work.

Flyboysgirl: Yes ma'am salutes

Ninjagurl: Goodnight Mattie.

Flyboysgirl: Night Mac.

Mac finished reading her emails before she logged out of her email and started working on one of her cases. Try as she might to concentrate on the Williams court martial she couldn't get the conversation with Mattie out of her head. Harm loved her or at least he did as of that spring. By what he had said earlier at his apartment he still felt that way. Mac decided to give him some time to come to grips with the change in his relationship with Mattie. Then she would make sure they had a talk about their feelings. They had been doing this dance for way to long. Once that resolution was made she found she could concentrate. She returned to her work.

Meanwhile on the other side of town the man she loved was dreaming of the daughter he lost and the love he might gain.

The end.


	2. Author's note

Author's note

I've received a number of reviews requesting another chapter or sequel to this story. I know I do sequels to a lot of my stories but this won't be one of them. I'm happy with the way it ended and I'm working on the sequels for 'I won't let him' and 'Support.' I hope to have the sequel for 'I won't let him' up within the week. The sequel to 'Support' might take a little longer as my muse for the story comes and goes.

Thanks for all the great reviews, not just for this story but for all my stories.

Chris


End file.
